I spent the rest of the morning as any other. When it came time for homeroom I went and when it came time for first period I went back to the cafeteria and sat alone; like I always do. I don’t think Nabi Knows where I am in the morning… until now. Looks like she spotted me on her travels. Oh I must quit switching from past to present tense.
“Oh Kyon! Is this where you are every morning?” She said to me while giving me a hug as I sat.
I silently nodded. I wonder why she and Ichi hug me. Maybe it is because I am their friend? I don’t know, I’ve never been hugged much. But now I am hugged every week day as a sort of greeting or farewell. I don’t know, I don’t know. Oh well it’s best not to think of things too grossly. It leads to unpleasant thoughts.
Perish.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“Just thinking”
“About what?”
“Just how I interact with you and others”
See the definition for: Pathetic
She left at that as she silently took a chair and placed it so it was to my left. She then pulled out a patterned notebook and opened up to a new page. This is her notebook she pulls out regularly.
“What is that?”
“This is my notes”
“Notes? For what happens through the day?”
“Keen as usual”
It seems she writes what she thinks as memorable from each day. Wait, does that mean I’m memorable?
Don’t be ridiculous.
But that still does not explain why she chose to sit beside me. She could be doing this elsewhere and she would enjoy it more since I would not be there. I just ruin things.
“Kyon…”
“Yes?”
“Don’t think that it you are ruining whatever I am doing because I know you are. Don’t, it makes me sad”
I decided to say nothing.
How did she know? I am pleasantly surprised at her actions sometimes. However I wonder why she would say it. More so, I wonder why I could not say anything.
“You were weren’t you? Oh Kyon you of all people should know that is not true”
I don’t think I do. I really believe it Nabi, I do.
“Kyon, you make this morning all the more pleasurable because you are here”
“Why?”
“Because you… because I… well just because that’s why!”
I know she wants to say something else but it seems she is picking over her words for some reason. What that may be is none of my business.
We continued to sit there until the bell for third period rang. Nabi walked with me as her class is close to mine. We or rather she parted with that nice smile of hers while I bumbled away.
Third period was as uneventful as it usually is. I sat in the middle of the “U” shaped table assembly and I listened to the key notes that we needed for the book we are reading. I do this out of fun because I already know all the key points needed. I more so just think within my head as I do often and muse over those thoughts as well.
Noon soon approached and with it came the usual banters. I first spoke to Shi as it seemed she was undoubtedly cheery. It seems she got a cat and apparently she loves cats. When in this conversation I was interrupted by Ichi trying to get my attention. This pan out as expected as she said something that piqued upon Nabi’s nerves for some reason and they began to bicker. I wonder why this is a such a common sight with these two? It’s not like they have anything to argue over. It’s just me.
And there is nothing noteworthy about you at all
“Kyon you don’t like being called hers do you?” Said Nabi with a concerned face.
“Of course he does!” chamoured the now pouting Ichi
I decided to stay neutral. I thought it would be best
You just don’t want to think about it
I don’t. I don’t think about things like that. I don’t know I just don’t know anymore. Whatever I think does not matter anyway. It’s not like I am really loved by anyone.
Correct for once
Anyway, noon progressed as any other. Nabi gave me another lunch that she made. I’m not going to bother with the rhetoric’s on this one. I mean rhetoric’s in terms of questions though.
No one cares
But she tells me that she gets up in the morning to make me one of those. Every day in the past little while has she given me one. I would refuse if she was giving me her lunch so she may not eat. I tell her that she does not have to make one but she only responds with “But I want to”
Her efforts are a waste upon the likes of yourself.
Afternoon Nabi and I made our way to the park as she wished. When we got there I did not go straight to the swings as I usually do when I arrived there. I sat by this rather nice tree that we are so wont to sit under. Nabi brought out some of her tea and served me some.
“You spoil me Nabi, I don’t deserve your kindness at all”
“Nonsense, of course you do. You’re such a nice person Kyon but it seems you don’t do anything for yourself. This is my way of saying thank you”
“But you could be sharing this with someone more important than me”
“Kyon, stop talking like that. I don’t like it”
“But I-”
“Stop, you are as valued as any other person by others. You are no less important than anyone else. But when you constantly tell yourself that you are inferior it makes me sad. You’re not, you’re not. And if you are not valued by others or even yourself then you are at least valued by me. This should sound familiar to you; this is what you told me one day.”
[FONT="][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2]I did not respond. I was caught in that which I have forgotten to follow. I have been so caught up that I… well I just have been cruel to myself. I realize just now that I have been putting myself down and thinking it was true. I am indeed the same as any other. I guess my doubts of myself are too controlling in my life. I will do as she says and try to value myself.
To continue though, she became upset. I guess she thought it as too sad and I guess it is. She began to sob as we sat there. I had to do something, because of me she was feeling this way. I want her to be happy. I did the only thing I could then. I extended my arm and wrapped it around her shoulder and told her:
“I will do my best so cheer up. You deserve to be happy Nabi.”
That stopped her from sobbing and I was glad. After that we stayed under the tree for a while, looking up towards the clouds that we could see. Time seemed to pass all the more slowly then. But eventually we had to back to the school for the busses for home. We left each other’s company with her giving me another hug with her saying the line “Thank You”
On the bus I pondered overall that had happened today. Indeed I have just got off the bus right now. On that bus ride I realized that I am indeed the same as any other. But…
I think as long as I can make others feel joy that is all that matters, even if it’s at the expense of
my own. So I will get rid of these negative thoughts I have of myself completely. I will do it for her, as this will make her happy.
Let’s hope I may be able to do it.
But as I take off my shoes and rise to my room I guess this will be the end for now.
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